It starts as a niggling feeling. It swells to a pining, constantly tugging and ever-present.
Our carefully constructed and anxiously maintained safety net of conformity and mediocrity just doesn’t cut it. Average and relatively happy isn’t enough.
Never was, never will be.
Shouldn’t we be spectacular, inspired and intoxicated by all life has to offer? At least, some of the time?
Because we don’t really believe we deserve it.
I had a friend died of Cancer last year. She suffered from that persistent paralysis of knowing there is more and craving the experience, while at the same time being crippled by self-doubt. I could relate, and it’s the courage with which she confronted this in her final months that changed my life.
As she was dying she chose to acknowledge and deal with all the shit she’d chosen to ignore, the kind of inconvenient truths that compel us as much as they terrify us. Truths such as, there’s nothing we need to do, be or become in order to be worthy of that which we desire.
We’re born, we’re worthy.
Why do we wait until someone close to us dies before we tell them and others how we really feel? Why is it that it’s not until it’s too late that we realise money and material possessions are less important than personal relationships and connections.
Don’t wait for that terminal slap in the face to wake up.
There is some undoing, some un-learning to be done.
We need to challenge ourselves, get a little primal. Believe in something enough to fight for it, stand up for something, be wrong, be right, go all-in, give less fucks about what others think, do important shit, fail and do it again.
Live! Fully, open, vulnerable, powerful, alive and free. We are too comfortable, life is too easy and it’s not satisfying, it’s suffocating.
This doesn’t mean we need to seek suffering. Instead, identify what you’re afraid of and do that, that’ll do. Go beyond and see what you’re made of, then you’ll know you’re alive, you’ll know because you feel it.
The pining is our guide, it’s the canary in the coal mine.
Don’t mask or suppress that niggle with void-filling distractions. Instead, challenge it and listen to what it’s telling you.
You may not like what you hear but you might actually start living.